My Name is Wayne Bass, and I'll Tell You What

So, a couple of the active voices in the league have thought it a good idea for me to be on the one year suspension because I had finished last in the league. I don't take it as an insult that they don't want me in the league, I think they simply want to teach me a lesson or something... mainly it's because it was my idea to have the suspension. Keep in mind that I came up with that idea only after I had suggested having a loser trophy which was also shot down, and a proposal for any other ideas for the last place team to do something which was ignored. (Brent Cook did come up with a cool idea just a couple of weeks ago... The champion gets to name the last place team next year). In short, we have discussed this on a couple of occasions and every time it comes back the same. No suspension! Just before the playoffs Zach Gibson brought up that the league should kick me out if I finish last. I said that if I do finish last and we decide to do a suspension I would honor it, but we need to vote NOW and not when the season is over and voters know if they are safe or not. It wasn't brought up again. Well, it wasn't brought up until after the season was over... I really like the idea of having something negative for the last place team, this would act as a motivator to keep going when the playoffs kick off and they know that they are not going to be in the championship bracket. Having finally experience that, let me tell you men it sux... Joe Cook has followed the proper channels and submitted a petition to enter the league, if I am suspended then that would open up a spot for him, but if we decide to suspend me we HAVE to keep this one year suspension thing going and not for just this year... So, if the powers that be vote to have me suspended I would also like to recommend that we have the champion name the 6th place team as well. Also, one other request I'd like to place on the table... Thome Widdison will have his third year as our commissioner, so I propose that we as a brotherhood name him as our FULL TIME COMMISSIONER

Fantasy Football....

"I REALLY DON'T THINK THOME CAN KEEP THIS UP MUCH LONGER!!!

Rank....Team Name........Record..Streak
1....Trogdor Burninators..5-0-0....W-5

THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!!

Week 4 predictions.......PAIN!

Well you've all been asking for it(no one has) so now here it is(deal with it). The Wild World of I Phelta Thi Sports predictions presented by Thome! Every week I'll break down the each match up and then give the prediction of who will win. Originally I wanted to put on the head of the teams mascot like Lee Corso does but then I was informed that none of us actually have any mascot uniforms so I will just say who I think will win followed by a hopefully funny pun about them. Here we go:

MOOSEN (1-2) vs. THE PAHORAN STARS (0-3)

I feel like The Pahoran Stars record is a bit deceiving. While they are 0-3 they rank 5Th in total offense. Last week they scored a lot of points but they came up against the fantasy point machine that is the Trogdor Burninators so you have to chalk that up to bad timing. But if he is to climb out of this early season hole he is going to need to get more production out of Rashard Mendenhall. He just isn't living up the high draft pick status this year. But he is getting great production out of undrafted free agent Ryan Fitzpatrick, that was a very good pick up for coach Wayne Bass. On the other side of the field is Moosen, who seems to have recovered from that week one debacle of only scoring 71 points and has put up 135 and 128 respectively in the last two games. That said I think the Pahoran stars breaks though and gets their first win this year.

RIGHTWING CONSPIRACY (2-1) vs. KICKINBASS (1-2)

I feel like this one could get ugly early. With Rightwing average 142 points a game and with some favorable match ups the sluggish 9Th ranked offense of Kickinbass will be hard pressed to keep up. Their only hope is the running back combo of Rice and Jones-Drew have bad days and are held to single digit outings. My pick: Rightwing Conspiracy in a (FIXED?)blowout.

MUDDVILLE MONSTERS (2-1) vs. LOS TIGRES (1-2)

Its a huge surprise to me that the Tigres are 1-2 so far. With Tom Brady putting up crazy numbers and being the highest scorer in the league so far and having AP at running back they should be lighting up the score board yet only rank 6Th in offensive output. Inconsistent play from the rest of the players is really killing them. Mean while the Monsters have been getting a solid effort every week and are ranked 4Th in the standings this week. And while my gut says they will find a way to pull it off again this week I just cant pick against a team led by Brady and Peterson: Los Tigres by a whisker.

BELAIR WILL SMITHS (1-2) vs. MUKDUKES (1-2)

The injury to Kenny Britt is a huge one for the Mukdukes. They were so close to having the best Receiving core in the league with Andre Johnson, Britt and Steve Smith. 3 top 5 wide outs. Mean while the Will Smiths have put together the 3rd ranked offense without the services of second overall draft choice Arian "the nation" Foster. When he comes back and is healthy watch out for this team: BelAir Will Smiths by 15

TROGDOR BURNINATORS (3-0) vs. CRIS BERMANATORS (3-0)

In what has been affectionately dubbed "The 'ators bowl" by some(me) the only undefeated teams square off this week. These two rank 1st and 2ND in offense so this should be a high scoring shootout! These two teams are stacked. They have the #2 and #3 ranked QBs (Brees and Rodgers). The #2 ranked running back(McCoy). The #1 ranked wide receiver(Welker). And the #1 and #2 ranked tight ends in Gronkowski and Keller! I'm thinking to win this one it is a must you score over 180(which both teams have done this year already) and with only the Tampa Bay Defense going on Monday night we should have a good idea by tomorrow night who will be in sole possession of the #1 spot of the league. Winner: Trogdor. Come on, did you really think I was going to pick against myself?

And there you have it, will it play out this way? Probably not. I mean that is why we play the game......

It's Called the STANDS People Not the SIT'S!!!

So, a couple of years ago a single Tyler Matlock and myself were in attendance at a local Demolition Derby event. Anyways, when the action was on the other side of the arena, or something awesome happened, we had the audacity to irreverently stand up and in the most inconsiderate manner possible begin to cheer.

The sunburnt middle aged man pictured just above Tyler's head had the nerve to tell Tyler and myself to sit down, then commenced to refer to us as an Ass. (That's right there are two of us but he used it in the singular form.) This was mind blowing for me! I asked the guy if he or someone he was with was handicapped in some way where we would be blocking them? He said no, and then blah bla bla was all I heard then I saw a truck and I thought has Peterbilt come out with a new series? Then I realized it was a Kenworth and I felt like an idiot... Then I remember that he was saying something about sitting quietly. I then reminded him that we're at the freakin' fair grounds, man... We are here to watch cars crash violently into other cars. I mean it's not like we're at the Opera, or the Library where they have signs and people who work there help keep quiet dignity! This was one of the most mind boggling things that has ever happened to me!

My favorite part was at the end when everyone was on their feet cheering and thanking the drivers and those responsible for putting on a great show. Tyler was sitting down waist high of everyone else yelling "DOWN IN FRONT...I CAN'T SEE"


This Summer an I Phelta Thi Sports Writer/Fantasy Sports enthusiast our very own Thome Widdison was recently called out at an Idaho Falls Chuckers Baseball Game for being a fan! I mean HEAVEN FORBID people cheer!

Did Thome back down without a fight? Nope! Did Thome go quietly into the night? Nope! And, why is that? It's because Thome Widdison has a pair, and he's at a freakin' ball game, man!

I was recently informed that a Cleveland Browns 25 year veteran season ticket holder was kicked out of the stadium for the same rambunctiousness that Thome, Tyler, and I have been guilty of in the past. Yep, standing up at a game!

Not only am I upset about for what he got kicked out for but for the last 25 years he's been loyally supporting Randy Lerner's crappy Browns. I mean it's the Browns and for the past 25 year in and out this fan has been there! And this is his thanks. You would think that being a Browns fan would be punishment enough?


I recently asked our lead tech here at my work, who happens to be a former Division one Tightend out of the University of Utah Spencer Mangelson his thoughts. Spencer simply replied "That's ridiculousness" And, I couldn't agree with you more Spencer

THAT IS RIDICULOUSNESS!!!

Are You Ready?

As we kick-off to another kick-ass season of blog post from the Brotherhood of I Phelta Thi Fantasy Football League, we would like to welcome our newest members a Mr. Robert Leland Warnick and Jeffery Scott Poole. I've known these men for a good while and I know that their hearts are good. For those of you who are unfamiliar with these great men, allow me to make your introduction.


Robert Freakin' Warnick pictured just after rush week when he had to walk like this to Salt Lake to be in the Brotherhood... (He's the only one who was willing to do an initiation) This is a cool guy, trust me :)








Jeff Poole is a man among boys, although you probably wouldn't think that as you see him playing with Poo in this picture. But, believe me when I tell you he's a cool guy too.







One of the problems of having a superawesome Fantasy Football League is our friends who get left out. I know that Rob has been on the waiting list for like 2 years... AT LEAST! And Jeff, who knows how long that kids been whining about it. But sadly, we are not able to accommodate all of our superrad friends, and we as a whole we have decided for obvious reasons not to expand from a 10 man to a 12 man league.

But, I just wanted to take a quick moment to recognize the little guy who got left out this year. Joseph Warner Cook! Many of you will remember Joe as Brent Cooks little brother, but his College Bowl Pick'em record would make you think that Brent is the younger of the two.

When Brent first came to me stating that Joe feels ready to run with the big dawgs I recommend he blog about it. And, what happened? NOTHING! Brent dropped the ball... Sorry Joe :) So, right now I'm trying to reserve a spot for you when the next opening occurs. But, I'm not sure if there is someone ahead of you, or if that day would ever come. But, should any of our comrades decide to wuss out in the future. I would like to make an official request to have you Mighty Joe Cook on deck for the next opening in the I Phelta Thi Fantasy Football League.

Men, I think we all know why I'm here today, I am here to inform you that I feel that we need ONE solid Commissioner! One leader among this group of extraordinary Fantasy Football Leaguers. I don't know of any tribe, kingdom, or even with our Democratic system where power changes hands so quickly. But, power does change hands within tribes, kingdoms and with our Presidents but not like the way we throw it around like a hot potato.

I propose that we develop a system that would allow us to not have to worry about training a new Commish every year, and once they learn the system and get everything under control we get a new commissioner. Right now we all voice our opinion the Alpha Male will stand up and declare when the draft is and then the new Commissioner will state when the draft is and will send out the invites after getting trained on it. I like how we are able to voice our thoughts and then the commissioner decides what's best for the whole... Let's keep that up, because let's be honest... If we keep going the way were going as far as getting a new commissioner then someday we'll have Joe Strickland as the Commish! And just think of that Crazy Dictatorship!!!

Keep in mind that this was a good system we had when everyone thought that being the Comish was something to be desired. But, now we know what a mess it is and how needy Fantasy Owners like myself can be. Zach was our fist one and the little guy did a good job, The tyrannical reign Quinn, was actually pretty good also, I think we were all surprised with Thome not sluffing off commish responsibilities and hosting a successful draft and a pleasant season. I don't know is there anyone else that I'm missing? We've been playing for a while. Has Brent ever been a Commissioner? I don't know he excels at everything else in life why not as Commissioner as well?

I bring this list up of proven Commissioners to propose that we nominate one man to be our fearless commissioner. But, to avoid getting burnt out I propose that the man who we elect they will be commish for the next Presidential Term. I mean if a feller can successfully lead a country and hand over a country after four years we could do the same with our League.

So, let's put a vote to it and make a Commissioner who will be incharge for the next four years of Mitt Romney's first term :) What do you say MEN? Let's do

A How To Guide by Thome Widdison

So, a couple Halloween's ago Wayne Bass dressed up as a Roman Solider, it was pretty PIMP you should check it out on his facebook. His good friend Jack Riley made the breast plate, sword, and shield. Why did he go through the trouble to pound and mold that heavy metal? It was because he had to do a presentation on Caesar and the Professor said to dress up. So, Jack being the Smart Ace he is "dressed up" :)



Anyways, homeboy let Wayne use this awesome getup Jack had made and when Wayne got to the Stake Center the LDS gurlz mistook him for Captain Moroni. It's cool CM is a Stud, so Wayne just went with it. During the course of the evening Mr. Bass ran into this girl who some might say was ascetically pleasing. And, as they began to talk she mentioned that she was from Texas, and Wayne's response was oh! l'm from Oklahoma... What part of Texas do you come from? She said Austin but we don't really like Oklahoma. So, with all the intelligence he could muster Wayne told her, that's cool because we don't like your kind either! Then he gave her the dead Longhorns sign and walked away...

About one year later Wayne and I became roommates and Home Teaching Companions... It was a great time I learned a lot from him! Anyways, guess who was on our Home Teaching list! Yep, that Sexy Texan! As we walked away from our first visit with her I remember him saying that the blond was the same Texan from the Halloween Party. My response went something like "Wayne, I love you like a distant cousin I see only about once a year, but you are an IDIOT!!! If a girl who looks like that told me she thought the Pats were a bunch of Douches I'd say yep I sure do hate that Bill Belichick guy and whats up with that Tom Brady? I think he's a flamer"

Anyways, the title of this post is How To Be A Total Pharisee, by me! (THOME WIDDISON) A quick history lesson, the Pharisee's believed in do as I say not as I do. The same is true with me! There is a girl who lives in the same complex as me (I posted a photo below) who on occasions will wear a NY Jets gear (For those of you who don't know the New York Jets and the New England Patriots are like the Jedi Knights and the Storm Troopers, Cops and Robbers, Autobots and Decepticons. In short we don't like eachother. And, the other day when we finally spoke she told me, so I hear that you like the Pats, my response was "yeah I've seen your Jets jacket... We probably won't be friends! Then I went into my house! Boom take that Jet's!!! Blaha ha ha



Then I realized all the times I've given Wayne Bass crap for what had transpired that Halloween night, and all that I can say is that I'm sorry Wayne Bass! I see now that I am a Pharisee for calling you out for doing the exact same thing I'm currently doing. I'm sorry to my mom, my family and friends, to my fans, and most importantly to Wayne Bass. Wayne you have taught me many great and marvelous things but most importantly you have taught me that the team should come before random hot chicks. Hot Chicks who will probably just let me buy them diner and some ice cream cones a couple of times and then ditch me when they are through burning a hole in my wallet. A mans Football team is like a family, the players are like your brothers who never let you down. Except when they lose... That's really disappointing

To sum up that last paragraph we'll take a look at the words of Michael Scott: "Bros before hoes. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They got your back after your ho rips your heart out for no good reason. And you were nothing but great to your ho, and you told her that she was the only ho for you. And that she was better than all the other hoes in the world. And then suddenly... she's not yo' ho no mo'