Sunday, June 27, 2010

Oh Soccer How I Do Hate Thee

So, this picture is really mean, but holy cow I laughed pretty hard when I first saw it. So, your probably thinking that I'm gonna piss and moan about Ghana beating the United States, but I will not simply because I do not care! To be honest with you I'm glad that the United States is out of it, hopefully now we can focus on other things of more importance. Like the upcoming football season.

A lot of these soccer fans when trying to convince me that soccer is cool do this by trying to talk down on the sport that I love FOOTBALL...

Reasoning Number One People Give Me: Soccer is the most popular sport in the world! John Bytheway said: "If 100,000 people agree with a dumb idea, it is still a dumb idea!" Also, a majority of the worlds christian population is Catholic...Does that mean that the Catholic Church is the one church who got it right? Simply because they have more of a following?

Reasoning Number Two: In American Football they play for a little bit then take a break, get in their huddle catch their breath, make another quick plan and then play again. Stop and go stop and go. Soccer is more physically demanding because they are continually running and have to be in better shape. Therefore, soccer should be watched more. If that theory is true, and that is what makes a sport better then cross country runners would be hailed as kings.

Honestly those are the only two reasons I have ever heard of why I should like soccer. But, do you want to know why I don't like soccer:

1) It's because it's FLIPPIN' BORING.
2) When I was on my mission I spent two years listening to all the Latinos brag about how they are sooooo much better at
soccer then we are in America.
3) I feel that it's less diversified as far as the different skills needed for the team to win.
4) Making a goal is like getting a Willy Wonka golden ticket.
5) A solid winner is not always defined
7) It's the poster sport for communism
8) Real Big Fish had a song titled "Sell Out" and in the chorus they sang "radio plays what they want you to hear, tell me it's
cool" I feel that for some reason Sports Center is trying to do the samn dame thing.
9) I feel like soccer is being pushed on me to like

Friday, June 25, 2010


So I've been watching a lot of the world cup lately and I have to admit, I'm kind of liking it. That game the other day when Landon Donavon won it in the 91st minute was amazing. I was at work and I'm pretty sure no one was doing actual work for at lest 10 minutes or so. All that mattered was that soccer game, it was awesome!
But here is the deal, there are still things I hate about soccer. And it stems from the fact that it seems that the don't want anyone to feel bad about losing so they make it hard to lose. How many games have ended in 0-0 ties this world cup? Several, and that's an exact number! Or as I was watching it today the showed the Spanish national team walking in and the said and I quote "they entered the tournament as co-favorites" Listen, either you are the favorite or you are not. None of this Co favorite crap. Here in America we don't share our favorites, and we don't end in ties. We play extra innings until someone can score even if we go to 20. Or tennis games that can go 9 plus hours! We play sudden death overtime, ya that's right next one to score wins! sure if the 15 minutes are up and its a regular season game it ends in a tie but technically its at the end of "sudden death" so its not really a tie cause both teams are dead.......suddenly. AND that's the only way we allow ties here, and that's if both parties are dead! Only excuse!
So come on soccer, get with the times. Communism is dead and winning is in.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Man It Feels Good To Be A Gangster!

So, the boys in the neighborhood are always "hard." If you come talking that "trash" then we will be left with no choice but to "pull your car" knowing nothing in life but to be legitimate, please don't quote me boy because I have yet to say... I bet you didn't know that I am pretty gangster myself. Did you? As hard as I roll I am just a "poser" in comparison to the poster boy for Machiavelli's book The Prince. Look at this kid, he's only like 14 years old and he's already wearing a Doo rag, representing Western Europe by flashing Westsiiiiiiiide! It's like he doesn't even care who knows. Golly, he's like the super thug of the 15th Century.

If you think about it the Princes and Kings from back in the day are really the first Gang Bangers. I believe the street term is O.G. Think about it they got their posse that you do not want to mess with. They have their coat of arms which is now called gang colors, and they are all about protecting their turf and gaining new lands. Oh they are all about keeping up their rep, and ain't nobody gonna disrespect on them. And, last of all they all have their pimped out carriages. Crusin' slow as to impress the girls.

I bring up The Prince because I think that Machiavelli is really on to something and this is an amazing book on how to gain and maintain power. (This book is heavily endorsed by Dwight Schrute) Sadly, Dan Beebe, the commissioner of the Big 12 Conference has never read this book, because if he had then one of the Nations strongest conferences wouldn't be crumbling through his fingers as we speak.

This post is dedicated to outlining the Machiavellian principles on how to seize power and then retain it this time Dan! Now, just like how Machiavelli wrote this book to get on the Medici Families good graces, I'm pointing these concepts out so that hopefully Commissioner Beebe will be so pleased with me that perhaps he would appoint me to be the new AD at lets say umm...Baylor?

FIRST CONCEPT: Machiavelli outlines the different principalities and so in the interest of time I'll just tell you what principality I think the Big 12 falls under. And, that is Hereditary which is a power that has been obtained by fortune or ability. In 1928 the Big 8 was formed and the conference had immediate success sending teams to the prestigious Orange Bowl... In the 90's when Arkansas left the South West Conference for the South East Conference it had been rumored that Oklahoma would leave the Big 8 and join the SWC. What happened instead was the remaining four Texas schools joined the Big 8 and became the Big 12. Power was obtained by fortune and ability. The fortune came from that Texas oil $$$$ and the ability came from the Big 8's winning percentage.

SECOND CONCEPT: Is it better to be loved or feared? Because people will either love or hate their ruler, Machiavelli say's both! But, if they only love you then they will turn on you the second they think they love someone else more. If they only love you and don't fear you then they will have no problem stabbing you in the back, because they know that you can't or won't do anything about it. A perfect example of this is all the promises of TV riches from the Big Ten, Nebraska didn't even batt an eye. But, if the rulers subjects only fear with no love then that fear will turn to hate and you'll have a revolt on your hands. What a ruler really needs to concern himself with is maintaining control. This is done by having strict guidelines and rules. Think about it if The Big 12 had strict rules and guidelines for treason then Colorado would have thought twice about even talking to the Pac 10 after seeing what happened to Nebraska.

THIRD CONCEPT: Dan Beebe has announced that the Big 12 will not be expanding the conference. I think that's a bad idea, I feel that you have to replace the two open spots and then strike again before you get struck. Trust me when I say that the Pac 10 isn't done with expansion. If Notre Dame rejects the Big Ten's offer then I guarantee that they'll come gunning for Missouri. Machiavelli outlines that for a ruler to acquire states is based on his own powers is a very difficult way to obtain new lands but once obtained it's easier to maintain. Right now the Big Ten and Pac 10 had gotten their newly acquired states not by their own powers but by good fortune of noble birth, inheritance, or lucky circumstance. (TV BUCKS) Those are good ways of obtaining but as far as maintaining is way more difficult.

LAST CONCEPT: If the ends justify the means then do what it takes to see your kingdom succeed. Meaning that Nephi can lie to Zoram, and in essence steal the plates...Oh, he also killed Laban because it is better that one man should parish rather then an entire nation dwindle in unbelief. So, to Commissioner Beebe you do what it takes to expand your turf. You get two big name schools to come to the Big 12 North. I don't care how you do it, just get it done!

You follow these concepts and your conference will still be around in the next 5,10, 50 years, shoot forever.

Peace - Wayne Bass

What More Can Be Said?

Mark Tensmeyer posted this on my facebook and I just couldn't say it any better myself.

Monday, June 21, 2010

I Propose.......

........that the College World Series is one of sports best kept secrets. I have long been a believer that college sport is better than professional sport. Don't get all up in my face about there being more talent in the pros than college. That's obvious and I don't care about it. There's more talent in the MLB than the Little League World Series but which would I rather watch? Who wants to win more? D - Jete and the Crankees or the 12 yr olds whose entire life depends on winning? That brings me back to my original point. The College World Series is one of sports best kept secrets. It has a very high level of ability as most of the players have already been drafted but chose to get better and play in college. They aren't perfect, they mess up, and they're raw. They are working to get better and improve themselves. You should watch the College World Series instead of the World Cup. They play until someone wins.

- Later -

The Coach
PS - The University of Oklahoma Sooners are playing in the College World Series. They're good at more than one sport.

PPS - They have cool dog piles at the College World Series.

Friday, June 18, 2010

A Word From the Coach

Ok. So I did get left out of the name of the blog. That's because I got left out of the blog. But that's probably because I don't talk to any of my friends. But they remembered how much we used to talk sports and I ended up being included. But hey, it's OK, I'm just like Tim Tebow in the NFL, I'm just happy to be here! I have a couple takes on a couple sports bits this summer.

Take #1 - People who hate Kobe Bryant are Robin Hood wanna be communist scum taking from the strong and giving to the poor. They would rather the BEST PLAYER IN THE LEAGUE (today for sure) fail so that the weaker specimen can win. Who in this survival of the fittest world would want that besides your boy President O-B-Boy??? Kobe is the best and he deserves championships because he earns them. People, listen up, don't hate greatness because it's great. Embrace greatness because it doesn't come around very often.

Take #2 - With all due respect, Boyzee State fans are the most confused fan base in the world which results in them either looking like idiots or being idiots. Congratulations. You've done really well in one sport. And by really well I mean you've never won a Div. 1 National Championship in that sport and you've beat up on weak teams in that sport. Should I mention their prowess at other sports? Oh wait, what? Unless they have a really good underwater basket weaving team, I'm pretty sure their bragging rights hinge upon a handful of Not-National-Championship seasons and a couple not Heisman nominee players. But don't get me wrong, I don't blame the players. Boyzee does it's very best with it's PAC-28leftovers. They better watch out now that the Utts are actually in the PAC 12 and will get the PAC 17 leftovers ahead of them.

Take #3 - Socker is not popular in the US because we will never be sufficiently entertained with a whole day of ties. Remember the first day of group play last week? Boring. And hey, this is coming from a guy who can actually sit through 5-10 minutes of socker at a time.

Take #4 - The Spelling Bee and Poker are very entertaining but ESPN spends too much time broadcasting them when they could be broadcasting retro SportsCenter reruns. Think about it. Would it not be awesome to watch a SportsCenter from the Bird-Johnson days. Or watch any other episode that aired after any historic sporting event. ESPN Classic is cool for games and documentaries but so much time is wasted on showing things that aren't even sports.

Those are my takes. Like 'em. Love 'em. Hate 'em. Enjoy 'em.

Peace - The Coach

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Fantasy Pointers

You know what I like about this blog? well besides its my ticket to becoming an ESPN Sports center anchor(da da da, da da da) I can talk about sports all I want and you HAVE to listen. Ahahahahaha.

Ahem, excuse me. Back to business.

If there is one thing that I love to talk about its me, I mean Fantasy Football. I can talk all day about it. I love talking about it so much that if I hear strangers talking about it I get into their conversations and proceed go off about why I think this person is good or why this person is going to have a terrible season. So now that we have this blog I'm going to talk just about fantasy football at least once a week(but not limited to).

So the biggest thing right now is preparing for the draft. This will make or break your season. If you draft horribly then you have no shot. If you draft okay then you have a chance with some good free agent pickups but you'll have to hit those perfect. If you knock it out of the park on your draft then you are in good shape. But you still have to be good with free agents and adjustments during the season.

OK so Thome's fantasy football tip of the day today is draft around bye weeks. That's right, I draft players according to bye weeks. That's not the only reason but it is a step in the process. The reason I do this is I don't want both my qb's on bye the same week. That's the main reason you have a second qb, is for that bye week. Or if both of your running backs are on bye the same week then you might as well bench all your players and rest them that week cause you're not winning. Well okay you still might but your chances are severely reduced. So go to and print out their top 100 fantasy players list. It has what week their byes are on it and use that to help prepare your draft. Trust me, as you plan around your bye weeks you'll have a lot less headaches come Week 4.

(Thome Widdison has been the fantasy football editor at The BBQ and Joe blog spot since its inception. He was the 2009 I Phelta Thi champion, 2009 something something league champion, 2007 I Phelta Thi league runner up. Some of his other awards are the 2008 Joe Strickland award, the most points scored in a game and a Grammy.)

The Utards

So it looks like Utah is going to go to the Pac 10. And I don't blame them. I mean if Boise St. had the chance I would want them to do it in a second. I mean its like when Tom Brady left Bridgette Monahan for Gisele. Sure Bridgette(Mountain West Conference) is very pretty and just added a new baby(Boise St.) but come on...Its freaking Gisele(a BCS conference), why wouldn't you leave.
But here is the only issue I have with Utah leaving. The last couple of years they have been complaining very openly about how unfair the BCS system is. Even going as far as getting the Governor and the senators involved and talking about anti-trust issues. Saying that even though they are a non BCS school they should have a shot to play for a national championship. And how they don't need a BCS conference to be competitive. Here's the deal, this is just like a dude that his buddies are hanging out with girls and he gets jealous. Starts really promoting the whole Bros before Hoes mantra. Even convinces a couple of his buddies to dump their girls and then before you know it some girl comes along and catches his eye and you never see him again. You can't blame him for it cause its better for him but you find it funny that he forgot about Bros before Hoes so quickly. But its cool Utah. Its cool. I would have done it too, cause that Pac 10 is looking real good now. And you all know how big of sucker I am for a hot blonde(Lane Kiffen).

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Pete Carroll said that he was the Head Coach, but even at that he has no control over what Alumni do. I think that if this really is that big of a deal then USC losing the 2004 National Championship, losing 30 scholarships over the next three years, and no post season games is good enough... DON'T TAKE REGGIE'S TROPHY!

Thome Widdison has pointed out that the NCAA is simply a modern form of slavery. And you know what that kid is right! In the olden days of slavery the slave owner would provide the housing and food, but they would pay no money. The slave owners had profited a great deal from their labors, kind of like how the NCAA, the University, and a lot of other people directly and indirectly benefit in this modern day form of slavery.

So, if the NCAA doesn't want the Alumni paying to get the best to come to their school then taking away National Championships and losing scholarships and no bowl games is a super strong message to send that they are not messing around. To take away the Heisman Trophy is unnecessary. This punishes the young athlete and not the fan.

I think that Kunta Kinte would freakin' flip out if he found out that this is still happening today! And, if an athlete is able to provide better living conditions for his family and pocket a cool three grand, then who cares? These young men should be getting paid anyways...The conference makes millions a year off of them.

Also, I was thinking about how Lane Kiffin will be able to keep his job for at least 5 years...The first three he can blame on the sanctions of the NCAA, but if he doesn't bring it back to at least close to where Pete had them, he might be looking for a new job. But, lets be honest how hard is it to recruit in Sunny California? 70 degree weather year round, learn to surf, and the girls DON'T FORGET THE GIRLS.... If you can't win at USC then you ain't trying, unless you've lost 30 scholarships over three years and no chance to go to any bowl for the next two years. Basically your on the clock Kiffin.

Peace- Wayne Bass

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Yahoo!!! So, I'm super physiced that the Big 12 will stay alive... I really felt confident that the conference was dead, but that's just not so. With Colorado and Nebraska leaving for the Pac 10 and the Big Ten they can all rot in a lesser degree of glory as far as I'm concerned.

So, right now the Big 12 only has 10 schools, if Boise State hadn't just joined the Mountain West I would say that the solution is a simple one. We'll just take Utah and BYU, but that would weaken the MWC to not quite to the WAC but it would weaken it and I really don't want to see that happen.

What I would like to see happen is if we could reach an agreement for Notre Dame to join the Big 12 instead of them joining those Poaching Bastards of the Big Ten who has been whining and dinning the Fighting Irish. The SEC hasn't done anything to warrant any attacks, but if the University of Arkansas wanted to come and kick it in the Big 12 North I wouldn't be upset at that idea.

I would also like to see the Pac 10 take a hit some how... Perhaps we could persuade the Arizona schools to join the Big 12 We'll make it The Big 14... I hate the idea of not having a conference championship game, but it is cool to play everyone in the conference each year. So, I guess both have benefits, but I would rather see a conference championship game.

All and all I am a happy camper!

Peace- Wayne Bass

Friday, June 11, 2010

Welcome to I Phelta Thi Sports

Welcome to our blog...This blog is a combination of "The Coach" who actually goes by a few names by some he's known as T Money, others refer to him as Ty, I know a little guy who calls him Dad but his wife knows him by the name his Mother and Father gave him Tyler Matlock. He is in the top picture deep in the jungle of sorts...

Next in line we have JP Strickland he's the Mexican Mike Colic lookin' guy holding a map with the one of a kind Joe Strickland look on his face which non-verbally says...You are Ticking Me Off right now.

Thome Widdison is next up, he is shown coaching our intramural flag football team (We were like the Buffalo Bills of the 90's. We just couldn't get that championship ring, or in our case that championship tee-shirt, but dag gum if we didn't make it to the big game a lot.)

Next on the list we have Quinn Merrill who is kicking it with Miss AZ at the Suns Game, but don't let that sexy burette scare you off girls, Quinn is available and is currently accepting applications for his next ex. He holds weekly interviews Fridays and Saturdays from 7 to...well it depends on how qualified you are...If you know what I mean ;)

Brent Cook lookin' like a super Bad Ace in his aviators, but unlike Quinn Brent is taken. That's right girls he's married...You can look but you can't touch.

Last of all we have Wayne Bass pictured at the bottom sporting his white button up with his backwards Wheaties Hat Wayne likes to think of himself as...well Wayne likes to think a lot of things but in this case in his minds eye he sees himself as the glue which holds this dysfunctional blog group together.

We hope you enjoy reading about what irritates us concerning the wonderful world of sports, so sit back and relax as we tell you what...